For the past several weeks, Eldrick Tont Woods has found himself in the court of public opinion.  His life has been exposed to the world and it is as you would expect.  A young man who had been elevated and praised in his life because of talent is really an immoral, dishonest, adulterer.  What I realize is that he is not alone.  We commonly give superstar status to people whose personal lives are in shambles. 

Let me tell you however, what has really impressed me.  There are a couple of things that he has done which intrigued me: First, Eldrick confessed to adultery.  Secondly, Eldrick said that he would take time from work to get his personal life in order.  When I read this, I was impressed and amazed.  I thought to myself how could an unbeliever know more than the church.  Related to business Jesus did say in Luke 16:8 that the children of this world are wiser than the children of light.  

As it relates to marital unfaithfulness and marital dissolution, the church has demonstrated a very unhealthy model for itself and the world.  I have witnessed a trend among “Christian” leaders, which is unwise and unbiblical.  A married minister that falls into sexually immorality has a duty to deal with such moral failings in the most open and honest manner I Timothy 5:19.  An elder is to be rebuked publically.  Anyone who tells you differently has a secret agenda and should not be trusted…

When adultery is described as a minor mistake or a private family matter a leader is ultimately saying that they have no moral or ethical obligation to the body of Christ or the Lord.  A Christian leader brings not only their education, talents, & spiritual gifts to a church but they are also to bring moral excellence.  When this is missing, a congregation is in danger of being abused by that kind of leader.  The leader will manipulate people and become a master “word smith” by saying things like, “I told you that I am not perfect, one day you will believe me”

As I mentioned in a previous blog, adultery is one of the most selfish, and despicable acts of betrayal.  For any Christian leader to betray their spouse in this way the church should be grieved and the leader should step down.  When it is evident that there is a pattern of immorality, the leader should be removed.  If you don’t respond with clarity and precision that leader will corrupt others with a distorted view of God.

You may be asking who is Eldrick Tont Woods?  He is none other than “Tiger” Woods.  I challenge every church board and every church leader to learn from a pagan.  If you have covered up your sin, confess it.  If you refuse to step down in order to heal your family it will only be a matter of time before the deceitful seeds that have been sown reveal themselves.

I pray that Eldrick can come to know the Lord and heal from this dark hour; it is clear that that could not happen if he covered it up.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it….

Dr. Lonny

Praying for U…

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Some partners try to dominate and control while others are passive and sit by as someone else takes responsibility for them. Learning to love another person means being part of the tough choices and decisions that need to be made in life.   Struggling through challenges together…

It’s like a game of tug a war.  You both begin pulling together trying to overcome an obstacle, some adversity, or even an enemy. You may fall but your husband is holding the rope so you can stand back up and help.  You may get rope burn on your hands but your wife is holding the rope so you can receive medical care.  You may get weary or discouraged but your spouse is there cheering you on reminding you that you can make it. 

Sharing and teamwork is the way to win in marriage.  You are no longer two but the two have become one.

GE 2:24—“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh”.

That’s the truth and I’m sticking to it…Dr. Lonny

 Praying for U..

Dr. Lonny, VP

SupportTraditionalMarriage.com

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Lonny.Wortham@comcast.net

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Colossians 3:13 “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you”.

When a couple gets married, they will inevitably experience conflict, disagreements, or at times arguments.  Focusing regularly and constructively on forgiveness can help you keep resentment in check and enable you to stay emotionally connected over time.  A willingness to forgive is a powerful expression of dedication. 

Marriage can be a safe and rejuvenating relationship, but there is always a risk of getting hurt from time to time in any relationship.  The reality is marriage is simply one of many types of relationships which require forgiveness as a way of life.

There are two categories of hurt:  MINOR & MAJOR

Hurt can occur when there are put downs, avoidance and withdrawal from conflicts, negative interpretations, abusive comments, forgetting something important, impoliteness, making decisions without regard for the needs of the partner, affairs, and addictions.

As it relates to MINOR issues…..

Unless you have unrealistic expectations, both of you, will at times not meet the need of the other person during the course of your marriage.  Minor infractions are normal, and it’s important to expect them to happen.  It’s far more valuable to learn how to move on at these times than to expect them not to happen at all.  Minor hurts should be acknowledged repented of and forgiven.

As it relates to MAJOR issues…..

For some couples, major hurts will happen as well.  When that is the case, greater effort is needed to resolve these types of events and bring closure to them.  The greater the offense the greater the need to develop tools and skills, which can be utilized to help move a relationship forward.

By focusing on forgiveness, you turn your attention toward healing, reconciliation, negotiation & compromise.  This type of thinking moves a marriage away from a win – lose mentality.  A win – lose relationship is one in which one spouse gets their needs met at the expense of the other.

As Christians, we need to follow in the footsteps of Jesus and seek to put the other person first.  This is the way to developing and maintaining a “Win – Win” relationship.  This is where we seek to do what is best for the family and not an individual.  One must learn to give in order to win.  Takers never win because they refuse to admit mistakes, say I’m sorry, or change patterns in their life.

By God’s grace, prayer, the Word & self-control you can take your relationship to the next level.

Focus on Forgiveness and you will win in love and life.

Colossians 3:13 “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you”.

Praying for U…

Lonny

Dr. Lonny, VP

SupportTraditionalMarriage.com

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www.RYFM.org

Lonny.Wortham@comcast.net

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One of the greatest challenges that married couples face today is deciding where to receive insights about marriage.  It used to be that newly married couples could turn to other mature couples for guidance and support.  Today our lifestyles do not readily support this type of mentoring so many turn to science, counselors, books and anecdotal information in order to make sense of what they are going through and how to resolve it.

One of the things couples fail to do is actually consider the source of the information.  What makes someone an expert?  Their education, their popularity or their own personal credibility and experience.  So often we listen to people who are talented, persuasive and charismatic but at the same time they are immoral and unethical.

One of the things my grandmother you to say is consider the source.  If you consider the source of the information it will determine what you need to do with the information.

Psalm 1:1 pronounces a blessing on God’s people.  Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the ungodly.  Another way to say this is “Blessed is the marriage which does not walk in the counsel of the ungodly.”  Many couples miss out on God’s blessing because of ungodly counsel.  Bad advice leads to bad choices, poor reactions, and poorly thought out responses.  Friends, God’s word is the most reliable truth for his people so whatever you read, watch, or listen to; make sure it does not contradict God’s Word.  If it does you will not experience the blessing or break through but only prolonged bondage and pain.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it…

Dr. Lonny, VP

SupportTraditionalMarriage.com

www.supporttm.com

http://twitter.com/supporttm

www.RYFM.org

Lonny.Wortham@comcast.net

410-963-2202

The best way to grow a Christ centered marriage is by not thinking about your needs or the needs of your spouse!

Marriage is a concept, which has been created by and defined by God.  The danger for most couples is that we tend to approach our marriage from a secular and human viewpoint.  We look to science for direction and instruction on how to give and receive love.  This is a tragic mistake because science only takes into account that which can be known and seen through the five human senses.  This limits a person’s ability to know truth because there is much about marriage from God’s perspective that does not involve our five senses.

This passage reminds me where the true source of love originates.

 1John 4:19 We love because he first loved us.  v20 If anyone says, “I love God,” yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.

I remember the first time I was alone with my wife Rachael, at the time we were in college.  We sat in the grass outside of the Botanical Gardens on the campus of the University of Maryland at Baltimore County.  We still have pictures, which memorialize our fellowship.  Rachael says it was our first date… J  Despite the pleasant emotions contained in this memory this is not love nor is it the source of my love for her.  You also may have a plethora of experiences and memories, which you rely on to prove that love exists in your marriage.  I want to caution you that this can be very contradicting to a Christ centered marriage.  Primarily because once our marriage becomes emotionally and experientially driven, we elevate these emotions and experiences to the level of God.

So whether good or bad, positive or negative we respond to the experience or emotion as if it were the final authority in our marriage.  Ultimately our marital commitment is decided by whether or not we are “happy”.   When I hear a Christian say they have fallen out of love with their spouse I hear two things: first, there is something missing in their understanding of the gospel because according to this passage we only truly love as we understand and receive God’s love for us.  Secondly, the “fallen out of love”, statement indicates that the individual only loves from an earthly perspective and they lack spiritual sight because anyone who does not love their “spouse”, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen.  It is an impossibility to love God with all of my heart, soul, mind, & strength and not love my wife. 

Love is patient, love is kind, it’s not easily angered, it does not boast, it is not proud…

 This is my story and I am sticking to it…

Luv Strong…

Dr. Lonny,  VP of Public Relations

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One of the most interesting facets of the human condition is our belief that we know what is best for ourselves.  All over the world there are self-willed individuals who, despite want anyone else says or believes, think that know what is best for almost everyone and everything.  This is also true about those who are married.  We tend to believe that we know what is best for ourselves or our marriage and how to best solve our differences in this very sacred relationship.

This is tragic because the Word of God gives us very clear direction on how to handle our relational problems.  One of the most common marital issues I see is when a wife calls me and says, “My husband won’t obey the bible, what should I do to make him obey?”  It never gets old to watch their expression when I tell them that they should do nothing but pray.

I wish I could take credit for this type of advice but I cannot.  This wisdom is found in 1 Peter 3:1.  A wife has been given spiritual power to win her husband over through the righteous life that she lives and not her ability to use persuasive and convicting speech.  This sounds counter intuitive but it is biblical.  A husband can be converted to truth by what he sees in the purity and reverence of his wife’s actions toward him every day.

So my sisters don’t fight with your husbands, don’t waste time arguing with them, stop bickering, debating, and seething.  Don’t send text messages, emails, smoke signals, or Morse code. Simply live a godly and up right life and watch God’s transforming power work in your husband and your marriage.

Principle:

Many women put the responsibility of a healed marriage on the future change of their husband, the pastor’s prayer, or even a marriage counselor; when all along God simply wants you to stop trying to fix your man and simply honor him through humble submission, purity, & respect.  This is the one two punch of a victorious marriage.

This is my story and I am sticking to it…

Praying for U,

Dr. Lonny, VP of Public Relations

SupportTraditionalMarriage.com

www.supporttm.com